By the time the last bell rings at 3:15 p.m. on a school day, I am sure that I have heard and voiced at least 200 complaints. Whether my math test went poorly, my friend did not get enough sleep, or my teacher got upset at my being late, my day is full of miniscule negativities. Although seemingly harmless, these small annoyances can add up quickly, and what was originally a good day is now plagued by issues that can easily be solved if I change how I look at them.
Chronic complaining rewires your brain for the worse. Human brains are constantly remembering information and processing frequent tasks, so when complaints are spoken often, your brain begins to expect them, according to M1 Psychology, a mental health clinic. This phenomenon is intensified in teens, whose prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed, making their brains more susceptible to permanent rewiring. Our brains have the power to be extremely productive and positive, but when we are constantly pumping them full of cynical thoughts, we start to expect and normalize negativity. This normalization can drag down your day and get you off to a bad start before you’ve even given it a chance.
At South, 87 percent of students think that they have a positive mindset, according to a nonscientific survey of 312 students conducted by The Oracle. While this optimistic view can work to combat the staggering amount of complaints we hear daily, 78 percent of students often hear complaints or negative comments at school from their friends or themselves, according to The Oracle survey. For this reason, trying to start your daily conversations with positive anecdotes or neutral details about your day can go a long way.
Additionally, the effect of the complaint reaches the people around you. Workers who constantly dealt with customer complaints were four times more likely to experience depression and anxiety, according to a 2017 experiment by the National Library of Medicine on workers and their interactions with customers. It may be hard to do in the moment, but when you find yourself or your best friend lamenting for extended periods of time, it is to everyone’s benefit to steer the conversation in a more positive direction.
The easiest way to steer these conversations in a different direction is to reframe, offer a positive light; rephrase, use different words to describe how you’re feeling; and revisit, discuss a more productive topic, according to Becker’s Hospital Review, a hospital and business news magazine.
This is not to say that you should keep your emotions or negative parts of your day inside. It is healthy to openly share the problems we face, especially with our closest friends or family. If there is something upsetting in your life, sharing it can help you persevere through the problem.
While voicing these issues can be helpful, there is a way to do it that doesn’t make it worse in the long run. Small shifts can change the way you think about life significantly. Instead of using words akin to “I hate this” or “there’s nothing I can do” you can use “this bothered me” or “next time I’ll do this instead” to prevent a negative spiral. Positive self talk and mindset has countless benefits, but a few include increased life span, lower rates of depression, and greater resistance to illness, according to Mayo Clinic.
I have found that focusing on the good things going on in my day has helped me end the day without my mind swarming with negatives. Even if it is as simple as talking to a friend I have not seen in a while or watching an episode of my favorite show, the positivity can reflect on the rest of my day. Complaining less will help us approach life with an open mindset and rewire our brain to make it the most positive space it can be.
