Reality TV down for the count in battle against classics

Jeff Collins, staff reporter

Below mimes, the lowest form of entertainment has to be reality television. Now don’t get me wrong, I love television. I love nothing better than going home and watching a good show, but reality shows just don’t fall into that category.

Reality TV is like a train wreck, you want to look away, but for some unexplained reason, your eyes are drawn to it. When I think of television, I prefer to think of the good old days of Full HouseBoy Meets World, and The Dick Van Dyke Show. (Yes, I know that’s what your parents watched and no, I don’t care.) Sitcoms and reality shows are polar opposites; one is family fun, humor for all, while the other is “OMG, I CAN’T BELIEVE CATHY, FROM DANCE MOMS, THINKS HER DAUGHTER IS GOING TO WIN. SHE TOTALLY SUCKS.”

While many people find these types of television shows equally funny, there are many differences. I, being a cinephile, am going to show you the differences between the two.  Let’s take a look at a family unit of both shows.

In sitcoms there are usually about five people who make up the family unit. The family unit doesn’t have to be related but usually in sitcoms, at least two are. Of the five or so people in the family unit, usually two or three of them are the main characters, while the others are the supporting cast.  The supporting cast may have an episode where they’re key players, but only because the main characters are out on some adventure.

In reality television there are about eight people living in one house. They all think they’re the star, and because of their vain personalities, they act like it. There is no such thing as a main or supporting character, just degrees of crazy. It can range from the DJ Pauly D to The Greek Mystique.

For this next part, let’s play out the same scene in both reality television and a sitcom. Let’s say you see your girlfriend kissing another guy at the neighborhood hangout. In a sitcom, your best friend probably saw it and ran out of the hangout spot to tell you. But in the act of running out, your best friend missed an important detail, like your girlfriend was rehearsing a play scene.

You, unaware of this key detail, confront her for cheating. She tells you that you’re wrong, and that she does not appreciate the mistrust. By the end of the episode, you do some grand gesture to prove your love/trust and you’re back together.

In a reality show, you saw the kiss when you were both in the club. This was not an innocent kiss, it was a full-blown mack session between your girl and your roommate.

In an angry rage, you go over to beat him up. Unfortunately, your roommate’s a fifth degree black belt, and you get your butt kicked.  Later that night, you and your girl have what can be considered a talk, which led to the nighttime mambo.

Reality television is far from real. Fights revolve around stupid issues, and by the end of the show, little is resolved. You learn no lesson, and although you may have laughed, you mostly feel like you just lost an hour of your life.

With sitcoms, you can guarantee all loose ends will be tied up. They give you that warm, fuzzy feeling that everything will be all right.

Not to say reality television is not funny, but in this crazy world, sometimes what we need are those shows in which everything happens for a reason.