Often, especially in high school, I have found myself dealing with quite a lot of cognitive dissonance. On one hand, I want to express myself in different ways, through clothing or the arts or my writing, but on the other hand, a little voice in my head demands that I don’t put myself out there too much, not to wear something that’s too out there, to blend in, keep my head down, as if my entire reputation depends on it.  

We’ve all felt embarrassed. We all hate embarrassment. But we do not realize how much we let it control our lives and our decisions, just to avoid that feeling.. Which brings us to an issue: the desire to assimilate, and the lack of individuality. 41 percent of teens say they feel the need to fit in socially, according to the Pew Research Center. This stat goes hand in hand with how we present ourselves, for the sake of others and ourselves. 

If I squint my eyes, the halls can turn into a blurred sea of repeating patterns of athleisure. This is not a judgement, only an observation (of course, I am not an exception to these trends; I can also be seen roaming around in the classic polyester sweatshirt-and-pant combo). However, It made me wonder why teens end up wearing the same things, saying the same things, acting the same ways, and why we all tend to understand our own generation-exclusive jokes and mannerisms. It can be a problem— if some of us feel as if we can’t wear certain things or speak too loudly— or almost like a subconscious habit to match with our peers. Maybe it is both.

Embarrassment, in my opinion, has a bit to do with this lack of expression regarding clothing. If we stick out too much, we start to feel insecure. Fashion trends are a prevalent staple in teenage culture, and they have a direct impact on how one fits in or sticks out. So sometimes, getting the “right” clothes to wear is not just to follow a trend for fun, it is almost like a means for social survival, a defense against standing out too much, which leads back to embarrassment. 

Now, I’m not just blaming this individuality issue on insecurity. There are a multitude of factors that contribute to why we end up dressing and acting like a lot of our peers. Energy is one thing— a lot of us just don’t have it in us to orchestrate an outfit, since throwing on sweats is an easy and acceptable option. And when we keep hearing the same phrases and internet memes being said over and over again it is difficult not to echo them back. 

During our teenage years, our brains feel social stressors more intensely, according to Mental Health America.  Adolescence is a crucial period for social development. As we gain a stronger sense of independence, we spend less time with our families and more time with our peers, who we want to get along with. 

This explains how following trends can feel almost life-or-death, and how an embarrassing moment feels unrecoverable; it’s all at the expense of our reputation, or how our peers view us. This desire to fit in is basically built into our brains, and combined with a rise in technology and social media usage and a disruption of normal socialization from COVID, it equates to some intense social pressure. 

But psychology also holds us accountable. Erikson’s psychological theory attributes the years ranging from 12 to 18 as the “identity versus  role confusion” stage of development. Gaining a strong sense of self in these crucial years will help us in the future, but failing to differentiate ourselves from others and lacking an identity can only lead to self-doubt. 

Assimilation is easy and tempting, but making it a constant in our life for the sake of avoiding attention or embarrassment is a dire mistake. 

I’m not going to show up to school tomorrow in a ball gown or spontaneously start speaking in pig latin in an effort to differentiate myself. Individuality starts on the inside. While it might be hard,  if we spend less time worrying about embarrassing ourselves or crossing a line that only exists in our own minds, it would be a lot easier to grow more comfortable and confident in our identity. 

During four years of high school, everyone has different struggles, passions, and interests, and as I start my transition into my college years, I know that developing a sense of individualism in my teen years sets me up to become more self-assured and willing to meet people who are just as unique as I am. 

That, I think, is worth the risk of “embarrassment”.