I know what true love looks like because of my grandparents. Their love takes shape in one story starting with a car.
My grandpa managed a construction site in the late 1960s. Complete with a sleek black finish and a baby blue interior, he came to work in his new Buick, naturally, earning him compliments and nods of respect from the men at the site.
A little while after he got the Buick, his wife, my grandma, was given an old, pink Dodge by her father. Although a generous gift, the car was beaten up beyond imagination and practically creaked down the street. Sure enough, a week later, my grandpa had chosen to make his daily commute in that old pink Dodge. Although he loved his new car, no car would ever be worth more to him than my grandma’s safety, and that pink Dodge was too dangerous for her to drive.
Despite being teased and poked fun at for his now pink and deteriorating ride, he was happy just knowing that his wife was driving in safety and comfort.
My grandpa tells many stories that end the same, his laying down the world at my grandma’s feet. My childhood was filled with plenty of movies and shows depicting true love, but these stories only really came to life when I looked at my grandparents’ relationship.
Today, it feels like this type of relationship is at an all-time scarcity.
Gen Z has normalized an informal dating culture that has encouraged a low commitment and casual relationship style: the situationship. Coined as an informal and confusing romantic relationship, I’ve heard many people complaining about their struggles with this type of back and forth.
Although society’s overall acceptance of this new norm is partially to blame, it is mostly the fault of Gen Z teenagers whose mentality keeps them trapped in these situations. Gen X, or
Baby Boomers grew up with a much more structured dating style that focused on planned dates, commitment, and future plans for a life with your partner. Today, these ideals have been abandoned, and casual flings have overcome the dating scene. This has only proven to be problematic, as many teenagers lack the self-respect and strength to deal with these relationships. Obsessions over attention and the need to feel chosen are exploited, consequently leading teenagers to lack the ability to let go of situations like these.
These connections tend to be a never-ending cycle of commitment problems that spiral into a mentally draining problem. Having the capability to avoid or cut out unhealthy relationships like this is a skill that young adults need to have if they want to have their ideal partner in life. According to the American Psychological Association, “When self-esteem or quality of social relationships is low, it can have a negative impact, and set off a downward spiral.”
To avoid these situations, it is important to remember your self-worth. Only put your energy into someone who reciprocates it. Having standards is a big part of this, meaning you need to have your own requirements for how you want to be treated in a relationship.
In fact, according to The Gottman Institute, a psychology study by Dr. Donald Bachman recorded that “People with low expectations tend to be in relationships where they are treated poorly, and people with higher expectations tend to be in relationships where they are treated well.”
Maintaining this mentality can be difficult, but long term, it will be better to start your relationship with someone who already fulfills your expectations. Have an image of your ideal relationship, and stick to it.
My image is my grandparents. For about 20 years, my grandma fought Alzheimer’s, and my grandpa took care of her. He never gave up on her and never forgot to remind us how much he loved her. Just this December, my grandma passed away, but my grandpa’s love for her lives on.
It’s connections like this that our generation needs to look to emulate.
Instead of putting your time into exhausting relationships, find someone who fulfills your standards and your heart.
