Freshman year, adults will ask you how you are liking high school. Sophomore year, they ask you if you are thinking about college yet. Junior year, they ask you if you are looking at college yet. And senior year, they will ask you if you have committed to a college yet. 

Recently I have been asked the college question at least once a week by well-meaning adults. And each time I find myself smiling and shrugging. 

Because, honestly? I just don’t know.

Most of the time, this gesture is met with understanding. “It’s okay to not know”, “you’re so young, you don’t have to make these decisions”, “it’s totally fine to not know what college or major you want” are all things I hear. But then why does it feel like it’s actually not okay to know?

Freshman year, we hit the ground running on a track to post-secondary planning.  (Do the words “four year plan” ring a bell?). While planning and advising is intended to set us up for success, it also can make our college and career journeys seem linear, like one thing is destined to happen after another, high school, college, grad school, job. Which is why I feel a little uncertain; I have come far, but I am not sure where I will land. 

With all this buildup to my final lap through high school, I find myself coming up shorter than I thought. By now, I thought I would have it all figured out- my college plans, my major, even my future career path. But I don’t.

Now, I have accepted that while “I have no idea” is a bit of an unconventional response, it is honest. I do feel envious of those who know exactly what they want to do and where they want to do it. But I find comfort in knowing that there’s a lot of my peers that are in the same boat as me. And in truth, 80 percent of college students change their major at least once, according to the Student Research Group. 

Knowing that other kids are just as curious as I am about a lot of different things, and are brave enough to admit their minds aren’t made up yet, gives me hope that I will find my way. It won’t be easy, but the journey is the most important part. 

A few weeks ago, a journalist from the Chicago Sun Times, Jeff Agrest, came to speak to Oracle and Etruscan members. He described how he had his own career path planned out for himself in college, and ended up in a completely different place than he had intended, but it was one he was grateful for. For him, the change was unanticipated, and opportunity came when he least expected it, but it resulted in a career he loved. A couple days ago, I was discussing college with my hairdresser during an appointment. He told me about his unconventional post-secondary journey, working different jobs while giving beauty school a chance. Soon enough, he ended up in a successful job he really cared about. These perspectives helped me to take a deep breath, and turn the dread of not knowing into seeing something exciting: potential.

Instead of being embarrassed about not having a set path yet, I’m embracing that unknown. 

My future is inconclusive, but that just means it’s up to me to create my own story, and that potential is exciting. Thankfully, many colleges offer exploratory programs for those who haven’t quite made up their minds yet, given that 20-50 percent of incoming college students enter university undecided, according to Drake University. Taking advantage of my first few years of college to explore my interests will help to sharpen my aim when it comes to a major and future career. Wandering will help me find the right path.

 I’m challenging myself to embrace the shrug-and-smile. It is more than a dismissive gesture. It’s honest, but it’s hopeful. 

It means I don’t know —yet.