The best part of coming home from elementary school was the quiet hours spent with my sister, just us and a shared iPad, building Minecraft worlds together.  Nothing else mattered but our little world. 

Those afternoons together didn’t stay the same, and our relationship began to change, shaped in part by my role as the youngest. 

Being the youngest had its perks, including the ever-handy label of “spoiled favorite.” I got the Converse I asked for at Christmas while she didn’t. I got appreciation for doing small things. When I was spared from blame, my sister was expected to take responsibility.  If I brought home a good grade, it was celebrated, but when she did the same, it was treated like the bare minimum. 

Whenever I was recognized for something, there was always a shadow of guilt lingering over me, knowing that my sister was often overlooked. None of it was her fault that she was overlooked, nor that I felt guilty, yet I still received validation. Over time, I started pulling away from her without realizing it. 

Favoritism isn’t one-sided. Even though I’m the child who “benefits,” I carry the weight of knowing my bond with my sibling was strained by something neither of us asked for.  An article published by the Institute for Family Studies found that youngest children are generally more likely to be their parents’ favorite, with 38 percent of youngest children reported being favored, compared to  27 percent of oldest children.  Parents rarely mean to create that tension, it’s subconscious, shaped by birth order and expectations, but it lasts.  

For me and my sister, it meant fewer conversations, growing distance, and years where I didn’t even know her favorite color, or that we liked the same music. Part of me felt selfish for the distance, knowing I played a role in it even without meaning to. 

It wasn’t until Gaby left for college that I understood what she carried—the stress, the responsibility, the resentment of being held to different standards. Simultaneously I realized how much I missed her presence, even if our relationship never felt as easy as it could have been. 

I always come back to those Minecraft afternoons, sitting side by side, without a trace of resentment between us. Older or younger, siblings mine through different layers—bitterness, guilt, and expectations—but the bonds worth keeping are the ones buried the deepest. 

.