Academy Student Charlotte Kelly takes a look at the stereotype of an Academy student.

The following is a parody of what South perceives as the average day of an Academy student.

4:30 a.m. Wake up. Do one pushup–I figure that’s enough to keep myself somewhat in shape. Some girls are worried about getting the perfect bikini body, but all I need to worry about is looking good in a lab coat this summer. I’ve scored the coveted internship at a hospital in the city doing cancer research.Academy’s already made some serious headway into curing it—I think we can do it this summer.

5:00 a.m. Head over to Glenbrook Hospital for two hours of volunteering before I start my school day. My goal is to have over 1,000 hours logged for college apps. By the time I actually start medical school, this medical stuff will be easy.

7:00 a.m. Time for early bird gym! Unfortunately, my petition for the state to let kids with perfect ACT scores get out of the four-year gym requirement failed and my marching band exemption is up. Whatever, this is basically another Academy class because we’re all in it. We need to have space to fit more AP classes into our regular day, of course.

8:00 a.m. I don my black robes that we’re required to wear every day to Academy. We think it adds to the allure of Academy, and it definitely freaks people out. I have a Chinese test today. I’ve studied three hours a night for the last three nights, so I think I should be fine; academy tests are a breeze with ten hours of studying!

9:15 a.m. Social Studies class. Recognize that this isn’t on a regular 50 minute period schedule? Having two classes per day is just another perk of the Academy. I find it so quaint that South is finally moving to a block schedule— Academy’s been on it for years. Anyway, today we’re working on researching solutions to global problems. We tackled global warming sophomore year (proven by the cold winter we just had) and now we’re working on Syria.

10:40 a.m. Time for AP Calculus BC. Another class typical to the academic rigor of the Academy. I’m teaching the lesson today because we have a sub and I learned the material three years ago during a summer class at Northwestern. I wonder if the College Board people will give me a six out of five if I correctly answer every question on the AP test…

11:35 a.m.-3:15 p.m. I attend other AP classes. I think I have a lunch period at some point, but I either spend it doing extra labs in the science office or tutoring in the TLC. I overheard some kids talking about a party this weekend and drinking. I wouldn’t dare, don’t they know that kills brain cells?! It’s not worth the potential hit to my IQ or my future Harvard acceptance.

4:00 p.m. Extracurriculars, or as they should be called, resume-boosters. Today I have debate practice for an hour, and then I’ll make the trek to Evanston where I tutor kids for another two hours. When I finally get home, it’s time to spend an hour working on my college app essays. I know it’s five months before they’re due, but the Ivies aren’t going to wait!

10:00 p.m. Tonight’s a light load for homework. All I have to do is write a three-page paper on a 250-page book we read in class today and learn 75 Chinese characters. No big deal.

12:00 a.m. Time for bed. I put some Beethoven on to relax me as I hit the hay—I hear it helps increase intelligence.